Ups and Downs.

Ups and Downs part of Life.. 
Sometimes we have a Bumpy Ride.. 
Sometimes we have a Smooth Ride.. 
We all have to face them once in a while.. 
But no matter what we have to ride.. 

Ups and Downs part of Life.. 
Sometimes we Fall.. 
Sometimes we Rise.. 
In the end we got to make decision Wise. 

घर बिगार्ने पराया धन !!

हामी छोरी जाती कत्ति अभागी

पराया धन पराया घर बाट आएकि 

बिहे पश्चात त झन्न न घरकी न घाटकी 

I mean न माइतकी न ससुरालकी 

माइतलाइ घर भनु त “अब यो तिम्रो घर होइन” 

ससुराल लाइ ससुराल भनु त “अब यहि नै तिम्रो घर हो “ 

तर जब हाम्रो मन्तव्य राख्ने समय आउन्छ ! 

त्यो समय कहि ले आउन्छ ? 

माइति मा केहि सुझाव दिम् ः तिमी तिम्रो घर सम्हाल You don’t know half the story here! 

ससुराल मा केहि सुझाव दिम् ः तिम्रो घर मा नि यस्तै हुन्छ ?  You don’t know the background story! 

न माइति न ससुराल विचरी हाम्री आमा, सासुमा । 

उनि विवाह गरी आइन तयो घरलाई आफ्नो ठानिन् , आफ्नो बनाइन । आमा बनिन् , सासुमा बनिन्। बुहारी भित्र्याइन तर अझै पनि ऊ पराइ छिन् त म हिजोको चल्ला त्यसमाथी पराया घर बाट आएकि ले जन्म दिएकि पराया घर जाने जात र झन् अब त पराया घर गइ सकेकि 

कुन हो मेरो घर र कहा म जाऊ ? 

माइति ः यो तिम्रो घर हैन, यहा हक् न जमाउ । 

ससुराल  ः यो तिम्रो घर हैन, यहा आप्नो मन्मर्जी न चलाउ ।  त 

कुन हो मेरो घर र कहा म जाऊ ? 

Educated छु “ Communication is the Key” 

तर सम्स्या देखेर नि आॅखा टाल्नु पर्ने ! आवाज भएर पनि मुख टाल्नु पर्ने किनकि तिमी पराया धन हौ! तिमीले घर जोडेर राख्नु पर्छ। तिमी बोल्यौ भने त्यहा आगो लाग्छ। जे चलिरहे छ त्यस्तै चल्न देउ। किनकी तिमी स्त्री  हौ तिमी सहनशील हुनु पर्छ । ससुरालीको आगो माइति न ल्याउनु न माइति को आगो ससुराल । बस हर सम्स्या देखेर नि अन्देखा गरी सहन्शील भइ बस्नु। संघर्स गर्नु । keep adjusting even if the shoe pinches badly! सम्झनु तिमी आगो को बिच मा छौ अब त्यो आगो ले पोले नि जलाएनि सहेर बस्नु। यसरी नै परिवार जोडिन्छ। 

त किन मलाइ पढायौ, बडायौ । शिक्षित बनायौ ? 

छोरा छोरी बराबर त भन्यौ तर किन छोरालाई परिवार जोडेर राख्ने शिक्षा दिएनौ ? Decisions लिने घरका ले ।।घरधन्दा मिलाउने  पराया घर बाट आएकि ले । कसरी ?? हरेक घर को नियम कानुन परिवेश भिन्न हुन्छ त ति पराया घर बाट आएकिले पराया धन लाई यो पराया घरको नियम कानुन कस्ले सिकाउने ?  घर धान्ने पुरुष, घर को ठोश व्यक्ति पुरुष तर घर धान्ने शिक्षा दिन्छौ पराया स्त्री लाइ त कसरी हुन्दैन CONFLICT ?  कि त पहिले झै हामी पराया धन लाई अशिक्षित नै छोड्देउ । उठ भने उठ्यो बस् भने बस्यो ! निशब्द कटपुतली झै ।। हैन भने घरका व्यक्ति हरुलाई पनि घरेलु शिक्षा देउ अनि बल्ल घरेलु हिंशा कम होला !  अनि बल्ल छोरा छोरी बराबर होला ।। न भए ति पराया घर बाट आएकि ले कुन घर को नियम कुन घर को कानुन, कुन घर कि पराया धन लाइ कसरी सिकाउने। कि त पिहले पहिले झै सानै उमेर मा पराया घर पठाउनु पर्यो अझ जन्मना साथ। अनि उ शायद पुर्न रूप ले त्यो घर कि हुन्छे ! ! शायद !! 

र बिर्सी देउ कि हामी छोरी जाती नि एक मनुष्य जाती हौं भनेर । 

सन्दर्भ हर घर को कहानी। आईमाई जात लड्छे  , मन्मुटाव गर्छे । पुरुष जात मोण बस्छन । सभ्य भइ कुरा काट्न भने पछि पर्दैन्न।  कुरा काट्ने त आईमाई जात हो। झै झगडा मा पर्दैन्न । र घर बिगार्ने ति पराया धन ( सासु् बुहारी, अमाजु , नन्द ) हुन । त ति घरका ले के हेरेर बसेको ?  पराया धन हरु आफै confused छन होला ! उन्ले भिन्न वातवरण देखेका हुन्छन ! माइतिको ससुराली को । ति घरका ले त एउटा मात्र हो त्यो पनि मत्लव नगर्ने ? उनिहरू आफैलाई थाहा हुन्दैन घर मा के कस्तो नियम कानुन छ । ओ नियम कानुन त पराया धन लाइ मात्र लागु हुन्छ अनि जब ति घर का ले पराया धन लाई ल्यउन्छन् ति पराया घर कि लाइ यो पराया घरको नियम कानुन केहि थाहा हुन्न । अनि  एउटि पराया धन ले अर्कि पराया लाइ के सिकाउन्छ  सहमति भए त ठिकै छ असहमति भए बिस्तारै आगो लाग्छ अनि घरका ले ति पराया स्त्रि को अर्कै रुप देख्छ र घर भाड्ने त्यही पराया धन हुन्छ । घर का लाई ति नियम कानुन बारे शिक्षा भए आउने पराया धनलाई नि के हि शहज हुन्थ्यो त  incase घरमा रहेका पराया ले नियम  मिचे र  तल माथि गरे सचेत गर्न सक्त्थे । 

कोहि पनि सत्री आफ्नो घर भाडियोस, माइति विग्रियोस भन्ने चाहान्न। कोहि पनि महिला , पुरुष झै , झैझगडा मन  पराउन्दैन ! तर जब सम्म उ पराइ हुन्छे, उस्ले लाख कोसिस गरुन  घर मिलाउने , उस्ले चाहे सहि नै बोलुन या बोल्दै न बोलुन उस्ले घर बिगारेकै हुन्छ ।

Rape: A Global Issue

This was my assignment for English 101 Freshman Year 2016 at University of Nebraska Kearney when I was trying to complete my undergrad degree. I could not complete my degree due to my health issues, however, today I present my work for I've always believed in Power of Words in addressing any issue, even if I'm a non-degree holder. Here is my work on Rape: A Global Issue.

 Rape: A Global Issue 

1) “Gang-Raped and Nowhere to Turn” (Odhiambo) , February 16 2016, Kenya- A girl, 16 years, lost her conscious after being raped by more than three men and killed herself after giving birth to a child of an unknown father. 

2) “Pokhara girl murdered for sex denial” (Shrestha), February 8, 2016, Nepal – 19 – year – old was murdered by her friend for denying sex, possibly raped and then murdered. 

3) “Eight-year-old raped” (First post), February 17, 2016, India – the girl was allegedly kidnapped and raped by a youth in Meerganj area, India.

 4) “Former Kearney teacher sentenced to 9 years in prison for having sex with student”, (Lynch and Townsend), January 29, 2016, Kearney– the teacher was sentenced for nine years in Missouri Department of Corrections after he admitted of having sex with a 14-year old student. 

5) “A possible sexual assault was reported to UNK Police” (UNK Alert), January 24, 2016, UNK Alert. Investigation going on. 

I was just trying to find a topic for my research assignment on recent issues, so I searched for “Recent Global Issues” the first result was the first title. The moment I saw the title it saddened me, but I decided to continue with the topic because recently I had heard of a murder case in Nepal for sex denial the second title. Then, I had heard that “India is considered the capital for Rape”, so I searched to see if there were any such recent issues in India, and then searched for Kearney too, to see if it’s an issue in Kearney or not? That resulted in the third and fourth title. And I remember that there was a UNK Alert for a possible sexual assault may be a month back when our spring session started the fifth title. So, these all resulted in tons of questions in my mind: Is women safe in any corner of the world? Whose fault is it? Why would someone rape anyone? Does women rape men? Who are the victims and what could be done to prevent such action? 

Rape is a big word and a very big issue which has continued over the past 100 years if I may say or at least since I’ve heard the word “RAPE” and its meaning. In a country like Nepal, even though there is some awareness now in the city area, some people still consider it shameful to ask for justice if someone’s been raped, in the rural areas or even in some city areas. They prefer to keep it secret because they think it’s the fault of the victim that they got raped. Recently, I came across a Youtube video (Sapkota, Chetan) interview of a teenage girl who had been raped by her own father and grandfather. When she asked for justice her mother scold her and beat her to keep her silent so that the society would not know about the incident. 

According to the girl who got raped by her grandfather, she did not know she was raped or sexually abused as a child until she studied in her school. I believe there are millions of other such stories where such crimes are hidden due to lack of education. But these misconduct is not just common in developing or underdeveloped countries. This seem to be recognized even in the developed countries like United States, though it might not be in high rate as it is in other countries, it does exist. That brings me to the conclusion that Rape could not just be the result of lack of education. Lack of Awareness? Could be! 

What then drives men to Rape? Trying to find an answer to it I came across this article “Why do men rape women” (Radwan). The author states: “In many cases the rapper (rapist) is just a person who is trying to reach a completely different unconscious goal while believing that he is just satisfying his sexual desire.” The author has six such psychological reasons such as, “Dealing with rejection”, “Feeling superior to women”, “Expression of power”, “Revenge”, “Compensation”, “Regaining control”.

 According to these theory, a man could become a rapist if he sees another girl who is similar in character to the girl who rejected him so to take the revenge or if he has a boss who is comparatively more commanding and professional, happen to be a woman and makes him feel inferior so in order to satisfy himself or prove his superiority or just to prove his manhood. Well these reasons do not make sense to me at all, but it makes me feel that the rapist is a mentally sick person. If it’s a mental problem then there should be solution such as counselling, therapy, a prevention. We could not just make an excuse that he is sick and let him rape. 

But wait, what does the rapist had to say about their action. “Rapist Explain Themselves on Reddit, and We Should Listen.” (Baker):

 “She ran to my bed and didn’t want me to touch her. I didn’t understand what had happened.” 

 “Most girls don’t really understand how horny guys are, how much stronger guys are, how guys will rationalize what they do. I see feminists and women on the Internet saying that no means no and women should be able to get as drunk as they want and not be sexually assaulted, and I couldn’t agree me. But the reality of the situation is that women needs to be careful because guys are one way when they’re hanging out and another when they’re horny or worse drunk and horny. That doesn’t make what happened okay, but it is what it is.”

 “I’m a good man. …..If I hadn’t looked up at her face and seen what she was feeling, I might have continued. In my mind, at the time, she wanted it. … It was then I looked at her face. She was petrified. I at that point pulled myself together, rolled off her and apologized. My hormones were RAGING. I asked her why she didn’t want to. I told her what I thought. She started to cry.” 

These explanations just scare me. Nothing can be implied. How can somebody say she wanted it just by looking at her dress, behavior, or what she talks about! Doesn’t it bring to the same old conclusion that it’s the responsibility of women that they don’t provoke men? Are just women responsible for their safety? How are we supposed to know what provokes men, again, isn’t that restricting women from doing what they want to do? Doesn’t it question the right to equality between men and women?” And I believe that it’s not just the women who are the victims of sexual assault or rape. Men are also the victims but because of the shame, the news of them being victimized is very less known to the people. 

So, what could abolish this problem from the root? Could it be the social norms and values that would teach a guy to respect women’s decision and vice versa? Could a death penalty help stop this problem? Or should there be some proper counselling sessions for people who have such intentions or for everyone, as it seems like a misconception too. Self-defense lessons could just stop one person from attacking but I think a proper guidance, awareness and training in the early age regarding rape, sex abuse, respecting other decisions would prevent a lot of other crimes from happening and also aware people of their activity. I would rather say “Act Responsibly” for both men and women. I don’t want to restrict women from doing what they want to do but they should be aware of the situation. The change takes time, but it would be inviting danger to say I would act as I want to in place where people still consider women as a child producing machine. Also, for men just because she is available does not mean it’s a yes. 

I believe, Rape has a lot to do with un-education, un-awareness, misconception and much more. So, the better way to solve this problem is through proper education where it’s not that its taught in general but explained well about “what is it?”, “why is it wrong?”, “how to control such situation?”, “how to communicate well?” so that people don’t have such misconception. Many of times like in my country Nepal, because it’s such a sensitive issue, even though they give us education, the information is kind of vague or not clear. People don’t talk about these issues openly and as a result many of times they are either unaware that they are doing wrong or un aware that they are being treated wrong. I believe many of times even educated people get involved in such crimes because they don’t realize that it’s wrong. 

“Prevention is better than cure”, A strong punishment or penalty could lessen the crime but an awaken mind could stop him/her from doing wrong.   

Work Citation 

Baker, Katie J.M. “Rapist Explain Themselves on Reddit, and We Should Listen.” Jezebel. July 27, 2012. Web. February 17, 2016. 

“Eight-year-old raped.” First Post India. February 17, 2016. Web. February 17, 2016. 

Lynch, Andrew, and Townsend, Robert. “Former Kearney teacher sentenced to 9 years in prison for having sex with student.” Fox 4 News. January 29, 2016. Web. February 17, 2016.

Odhiambo, Agnes. “Gang-Raped and Nowhere to Turn.” Inter Press Service, News Agency. February 16, 2016. Web. February 17, 2016. 

Radwan, M. Farouk. “Why Do Men Rape Women” 2 Know Myself. Web. February 17, 2016. 

Sapkota, Chetan “Nepali Girl who was raped by her dad Pooja Karki.” Youtube. October 1, 2014. Web. January 29, 2016. 

Shrestha, Hari Kumar. “Pokhara Girl Murdered for Sex Denial.” Nepal Mountain News. February 8, 2016. Web February 17, 2016. 

UNK Alert. “A possible sexual assault was reported to UNK Police.” Message to UNK students. January 24, 2016. E-mail and Text Message. 

When I was doing this topic, I felt this topic very important and sensitive, so I wanted to do research in it and get a lot of information. But this topic is so vast that, I felt it would be very difficult for me to bring so much of information and limit them within 4-5 pages. I tried to highlight as many informations as I could, but it was little difficult to bring so much of information, analyze them and have an opinion to those research. Hence after the first draft I thought of limiting the topics to be covered.


This was my assignment but at the same time I worked hard to do the research. And these research and articles had put an impact on my head. The rapist we call, the criminals we call were not so until they commited the crime! Which mean those action could have been prevented! Their lack of consciousness to take right action at right time lead them to being criminals. All issues on earth could be prevented if there is right flow of information. Right actions taken at right time.

We all are in dilemma, confusion, or in situations where we have no idea what we are doing and one wrong step in such state and our life changes forever! While some of our mistakes are not life threatening to people , there are some of those which are life threatening. If at those state those motives to harm someone were known, if in those situations those plans and ideas to do something wrong to someone were revealed may be the person dealing with those ideas could have been counseled or explained why it is wrong and maybe he could have been saved from being a criminal.
Can we save someone from being a criminal or committing a crime ? 

And the reason is you!

During the low point of your life you will get to meet 4 kind of people 

Kind 1: they are the reason, you are in that situation! Knowingly,  unknowingly they put you in that situation and when you try to talk about the problem they don’t take responsibility for their action either because they don’t understand what you are talking about, how they are responsible for or because they don’t really care! Or even if they care they have no idea how they can be of help! Or how to make it right! 

Kind 2: the manipulators! they will look for opportunities when they can take maximum benefit of your situation! While they act like they are there to help you all they will do is take benefits of you and use you until you are of benefit to them! They will come back and give you reasons why so and so happened and re use again whenever possible! 

Kind 3: the strangers! Live or die they have nothing to do with you! 

Kind 4: the motivators! The eye opener! They might be someone you know or someone you don’t! They don’t seek for benefit and they make you realize that you are responsible for all that you are feeling! You are responsible for your actions and how you feel! They make you realize: those kind1,people whom you blame for your situation had no idea that you were feeling this way! You can do nothing about it but just move on and understand them! Those kind2, people who took benefit of you were just grabbing their opportunities! Because that is what you are taught grab the opportunity! Now it’s up to them to what level! It’s your fault that you were unaware of you being used or you allowed them to use you! And kind3 live or die they got nothing so you should have nothing to complain either! If you want to care for them it’s your choice but you can’t force them to look at you! You can’t say “yo look at me I’m at the lowest phase look after me” would you ?? 

Hence! Thank you all the Kind4, eye opener who try to make you realize or tell you somehow that only you are responsible for your situation! For how you feel! For what you are going through! Blaming anyone is a waste of your energy! Only you know your situation! Only you are responsible for your situation and only you can take yourself out of that situation! So help yourself! 

Upee speaks after a long time! Cause after a long time this is “what’s in my mind” My intention is not to poke anyone but just try to be the Kind 4 person for myself and those looking for kind4 in their life! After all who doesn’t like to be motivated ? Who doesn’t like to hear “it’s because of you that I did not give up” Sorry! if I happen to speak more than required! 

Who Am I ?

You all know how I've been fighting depression now and again. And been trying to do things that sounds logical in trying or feels worth giving it a try. Now in that process recently I went for a meditation retreat. "While they teach us not to focus on thoughts and focus on the rise and fall of your abdomen and other methods to keep your mind out of those random thoughts, it is definitely not an easy job to do so..." you can try it... Just sit in a relaxed position and try to just focus on your breath for one minute. If you are a beginner it is difficult to focus on just your breath even for one minute so you should know that it is not gonna be easy... And definitely, was not easy for me either.

I had done some research and read some books on meditation so I was able to overcome a lot of frustrating moments with peace. However, i wished i knew some more. Anyhow, I feel that I have achieved what I went for and that is more important to me for now than achieving the ultimate knowledge or the "Nirvana".

While there were lots of things that I'd love to share I'd try to keep this blog focused on "Who Am I"

For a background, It would be seven years that I've been fighting depression but if I further dig up deep down its more than seven years. Those years when i did not knew what depression was and what caused them and how i dealt with them. It is seven years now that I know about it and I've been trying different ways to over come it. And if you read and research there are people who've suffered depression all their life.

Now coming back, in each and every counselling sessions I remember telling them " I was a rebellious child. I always felt and still feel that I'm the rude one among both my siblings. Or the one who is not well mature enough. Or the stupid one who always end up doing something very stupid.
And during the meditation too... it came out as a very sensitive issue for me. While there were all the other things that bothered me so much I was really triggered with my rebel nature. I tried to ask the teachers who guide us meditation but they would just say " Just focus on the rise and fall" Ignore everything... I did got frustrated at one point.. If my head is not clear how am I gonna focus on the rise and fall or am I here to clear my head by focusing on rise and fall.....? These things were really confusing. However, Something popped up...(I'd call it The Buddha or the Brain) ... So this is my own earning not learnt or heard but the knowledge that I gained by my self:

Who is rebel? "A person who rises in opposition or armed resistance against an established government or leader."- Google Dictionary.  So Buddha was a rebel too... First, he conquered himself against all those attachments or causes of suffering. Second, he changed the method of conquering the world. He has conquered half the world with peace and non violence and it seems to be continuing yet in these days. If you read all those self help books what they say are exactly what Buddha had said some thousand years ago. Now it could seem like I'm just trying to promote Buddhism as a religion but seriously ... I'm against this system of religion. I feel good that I'm born in a Buddhist family where I got to learn a lot about Buddhism however, I still don't want to call my self a true Buddhist yet. And my only religion is Humanity. And again, if I'm convinced by any statements and thoughts of any religion and if I find them logical I would want to share it or accept it. Again from what I've understood and learnt, Buddhism is not actually a religion but a way of life and Buddha is Brain. So it is just following your brain.

Now, coming back to me being rebel, I was like why do i need to suppress this nature of mine.  Looked back and I realized it had caused a lot of pain and I used to think being rebel is negative. Then the Buddha(The Brain) popped up: I've always believed Change is the permanent process it is not my fault that I am rebel it is their fault that they cannot accept the change. Next... When I say I am rebel.. it is me when I find or feel the need of change, Not all the time, not every moment. I would not say i need to change things or change myself when I'm happy or feel logical or content with it. But I can't help when I feel that it is illogical and I feel the need to change.

So while in retreat, I thought " I was always upset or it began with this rebel nature of mine. I was the reason for all the pain for me and my family and so and so ... and the blame game was going on and on... and then I do remember some of the points from those self help books which says "Forgive them, forgive yourself....". And then I was trying and even forcing to forgive and let go of all the negative vibes in me and accept the Positivity in me. Suddenly, i realized I had been able to forgive some people in my life who have caused an impact in my life for me to feel that way. I realized it is difficult to forgive when the roots of your beliefs are too strong. As soon as you change your perspective or belief, everything becomes quite easy. So ,what you believe really matters. I was forcing my self to say or think good of those people who somehow caused me to be in that situation. I was thinking of ways to be rebel in positive way.. and all in all trying to be all positive. And suddenly one day those people and those situation did not matter to me at all. I was like yeah! So it does work and now i can move on. As soon as I was able to analyse each and every situations and moments and people I was able to let go of those and move on one by one. Within day 5 my head was clear and no wondering thoughts or no negative thoughts and that day my mind was in complete peace.

Now I do know that I still need to live on and I might get affected again because what I cleared in those 5 days are the ones that I've lived in past. Now I might get affected in the future. And still being just a human and not the enlightened one I do doubt that I will get affected with things and i might not know how to deal with those situations I've never dealt before... but for now I feel back to being pure and honest just like a newborn kid. Because during all those times of depression.. i was either blaming myself, feeling bad about myself, feeling worthless, or ....... But today whoever I am, however I am, I love myself and Love the way I am. So Self Love is really really important.

What I also realized about myself was I love to see everyone happy. While the four noble truth is: there is suffering, there is a reason for suffering, there is a solution for suffering, and we can heal suffering. I wanted to know or I wished, I could learn to know how to be happy even when we suffer. These things are yet to be known to me but then so far what i could say is suffering also depends on your definition of suffering. What is suffering to you ?

My suffering was not being able to make everyone happy. Not being able to accept myself. Things not happening the way I want. While I love to see everyone happy and while I'm blessed that I could understand other people and their view, i was suffering because they were not understanding my view. They would not understand why am I acting certain way But then the Buddha(my brain)  replied is it their suffering or is it mine? Could it be it is theirs suffering that I'm living?  Is it my fault that i understand them or is it theirs that they can't understand me, or others as much as I could to some extent. Is it them who are not appreciating your views or is it you who is not appreciating yourself? You are a beautiful human being just the way you are. You want to see good in all which is very rare now... why are you hurting yourself for being able to see good in all? Why are you not valuing the good person within you? Why is it so difficult to accept that you love to see good in all? And you don't like to be angry and you feel hurt when you are angry ? As soon as that suffering was theirs and not mine believe it or not more than half the suffering was gone. When I answered some of the following questions to myself almost all the sufferings were gone. And those questions were :
Why was I hurting myself ? Can i change the way i think and value that i can see good in all and just be happy that I CAN while They CAN'T? What is it that is causing me to suffer. Why am i being bothered, Is there a different way to look at this situation...  such questions really helped me.

Now the final lesson and possibly the answer to Who Am I :

So in meditation process, they teach us to divide sub divide everything up. (And this knowledge I understood after I came back but not while in the retreat.) Everything that comes up in your life, mind everything... first watch them carefully.. observe them and then whenever possible group them in pieces or divide them whichever seems possible and then analyse them one after the other. When you understand them and their nature you learn to deal with it. Like I said I am rebel and I'm peace lover which are hard to go together but when I break them in to pieces .. rebel is me when I want to bring some changes.. peace lover is me wanting to see everyone happy in every situation, but that is not me at the same time so who am I ? There is no me.. There is me only when I combine them all.. but when they are all gone.. when i let go of all that there wont be me!

So as per my understanding .....when the Buddha let go of all those pieces of him, he got the enlightenment. But for me I still want that rebel me for some situations. Still love my loving kind nature. So I am not yet ready to let go of me. I am all of those you think of me.. I am the good and I am the bad. I just need to accept it and not suppress it. Because that is part of me. And now I just want to nurture the ones that would help me be happy and let go of ones who would harm me.

All I need to know now, is even though there is no me, i'm living in this world who values someone for who they are and I'm still attached and while I'm still alive let me love myself, assemble all parts and be me. While the teachings says the ultimate goal is to reach Nirvana or be freed from the cycle of sorrow and happiness.. I just want to live my life happily and if i get confronted by the sadness I want to be able to overcome it or even over power them with my positivity and live my life to the fullest. That is all I want.

Again who am I ? I am all of what you think of me but then dissemble me and see me, who am I? I will be left with nothing.  :)